Biden's Bipartisan Spicy Slow Cooker Beef Brisket

A wise man once said variety is the spice of life. But, when it comes to cooking, is the inverse also true? Is spice the variety of eating? My loving partner certainly thinks so. She likes it hot. Food that makes you sweat. A jolt to the system that lets you know you’re alive.

When I first started writing this blog post she suggested I call it Feel The Burn Beef Brisket, as a kind of pun on one of Bernie Sanders’ campaign slogans. I said no, because the primary is over, Bernie lost, and I don’t particularly like Bernie Sanders anyway. She loves Bernie. She’s the same with politics as she is with food: an extremist. I was more of a Mayor Pete man, but I’m still satisfied with Biden. A solid practical candidate in this time of great tumult. My counter suggestion was Biden’s Basic Beef Brisket. After recent mishaps in the kitchen I wanted to make a dinner that I could believe in, that didn’t take too many chances, a dish to steady the ship in uncertain waters.

She wouldn’t let me. She insisted my plan was too bland. “Cook me something I actually want to eat!” I promised that brisket has a lot of flavor, that a nice slow cooked stew over rice would be exactly the comforting presence we need right now, that she’d forget she even asked me to make it spicy. The time for big risks is later, once everything has settled down and returned to the normal life we’re used to. Like many of her ilk, she refused to listen to reason and would not back down. She threatened to ruin the entire meal if she didn’t get her way. I think she actually wants this chaos to continue rather than accept the truth: baby steps get the best results. It’s true in the kitchen as it is in all ways of life.

At first I put my foot down. I’m sick of eating this spicy food that makes me ill just because she wants it. But I realized in my stubbornness I was abandoning my most cherished value: compromise. Wasn’t that what I was arguing for, the principle to which I tried every day to live my life? You should never let knowing you’re right get in the way of getting things done. What good is an ideal if it’s never realized? So I went to the store and bought her some peppers and chipotle sauce to put in the stew. It wasn’t exactly the stew I wanted, and I spent the evening in agonizing stomach pain, but I knew, as a proud feminist man, that at the end of the day I made the right decision.

Biden’s Bipartisan Spicy Slow Cooker Beef Brisket:

Ingredients:

• 3 lbs of brisket

• 2 large onions chopped

• 3 bell peppers chopped (any color but green)

• 4 cloves of garlic, roughly chopped

• 1 cube of beef bouillon (or equivalent Better than Bouillon)

• 1 tablespoon cornstarch

• ¼ cup of hot water

• 1 teaspoon sugar

• 1 teaspoon salt

• 3 teaspoons soy sauce

• 1 teaspoon chili powder

• 1 teaspoon paprika

• 4 teaspoons chipotle adobo sauce (optional, depending on your household beliefs)

• 2 teaspoons cayenne pepper (optional, depending on your household beliefs)

• 2 chopped anaheim peppers (optional, depending on your household beliefs)

Start by using a knife to score the fatty side of the brisket with criss-cross cuts, which will help the fat render in the slow-cooker. Salt the beef heavily and let it rest for 30 minutes.

Sear the brisket on both sides in a pan set to medium-high heat. 5-8 minutes on the fatty side and just a few minutes on the other. Remove brisket and place in the slow cooker.

Saute onions in the brisket fat in the pan for just a few minutes to get them nice and brown.

Mix the bouillon cube (or Better Than Bouillon paste) into the hot water and stir until dissolved. Then mix in cornstarch until dissolved. Pour over the brisket then add soy sauce, chipotle adobo sauce, sugar, salt, and other seasonings.

Add the browned onions, garlic, bell peppers and anaheim peppers into the slow cooker.

Cover and cook on low for 5-6 hours or until brisket tears easily with a fork.

Serve over your favorite white rice (I like jasmine).

A recipe I read on Allrecipes.com suggested using a can of crushed tomatoes in slow cooker beef recipes. Do not do this! The beef, onions and peppers already generate plenty of moisture, turning what should be a nice thick stew into a soupy mess, and the tomato flavor overpowers all the other nice flavors you have going on.

PRO-TIP: If you have leftovers they make a great breakfast by switching rice for roasted sweet potatoes (see: Easy Steak and Easy Sweet Potatoes and Easy Asparagus for recipe) and adding one or two fried eggs on top. Check below for a picture of just that!