Some Kind of Salad with Some Kind of Vinaigrette
I don’t want this blog to be recipes for the poor and unemployed. I need rich people to pay up. That means I’m already out of food stamps for the month because these are pricey recipes for elite people. I’m really hungry. Yesterday at the Plaid Pantry I put a pear in my pocket. An illegal pear, unpaid for, overpriced, over ripened. I put candy in my pocket, pop rocks, and soda pop. I milled around touching things and worked up the nerve to ask the masked clerk if I could use the restroom, and he said Definitely not, and, Get out. I said I thought I would poop my pants badly in the Plaid if he didn’t allow me a toilet and he said You better not make a big mess, and, I will call the cops. I protected the goodies in my pockets so he couldn’t see them and I was very sneaky to eat them in the toilet. After a minute he knocked like a cop on the door and I said through my stuffed face that I was still doing my business. I said I am really hungry and I want to finish my snack. After that he pushed me out the door because I did make a big mess and I walked down to the Whole Foods and stocked up on some homeopathy supplies. I emailed my clients about their homeopathic needs and told them about the benefits of homeopathy and also about shark cartilage supplements which cure cancer and mortality generally. I still had a pear in my pocket from the Plaid and I’m glad I saved it because it was a treat. I took some pornographic pictures of myself to send to people I’d never met online so I could ask them for money. Very few people gave me money because they didn’t ask for the pictures in the first place. But for a few it was a real treat and they rewarded me with bitcoin and stolen gift cards or with compliments at least. I went to bed sated and pleased with myself for doing things I do best.
Here’s a recipe for a salad I couldn’t afford to eat this week. If you would like to see more bourgeois recipes like the one below consider mailing cash or your EBT card with the pin written on the back. Unless you want this to be a photo blog of rancid pears and top ramen.
Pecans:
Ingredients:
1 cup pecans
2 tbs butter
1 tsp salt
Toast pecans by melting butter on medium-low heat. Add roughly chopped pecans and salt to the butter. Stir frequently and toast for about 7 minutes.
Dressing:
Ingredients:
2 tbs lemon juice
¼ cup apple cider vinegar
1 tbs honey
1 tsp salt
¼ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp onion powder
2 tbs minced tarragon
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 cup olive oil
For the dressing, combine everything EXCEPT the olive oil with either a whisk, or preferably, a handheld immersion blender. Then slowly incorporate the olive oil until the dressing is emulsified.
Salad:
Ingredients:
Spring mix
4 slices cooked bacon
½ green apple chopped
⅓ cup blue cheese crumbles
Toss the spring greens with desired amount of dressing. Top with chopped bacon, toasted pecans, chopped green apple, and blue cheese crumbles.
