Name: Ultimate Tilapia With Fancy Mashed Potatoes
Prep time: 20 min
Cook time: 20 min
Total time: 40 min
Yield: 2
Cuisine: Fish
Ingredients: Tilapia; Garlic; Lemon; Olive Oil; Butter; Basil Leaves; Salt; Red Potatoes; Fresh Sage; Heavy Cream

“Tilapia” is a common name for over a hundred different species of fish. So, I have no idea what I just ate. If you make this recipe and it is bad it is probably because you used a bad kind. All fish look the same to me: really SICK and gross. So I can’t help you figure out which kind it is so don’t ask me about it. This one had his head on and his eyeballs got baked into hard round discs. I didn’t eat those because they were SICK, but you should eat them. Or don’t eat them. I’ll mind my business. But, it’s very important to eat them because it will liven up things when you’re eating tilapia with STUPID friends who are easy to impress. Also the vitamins and stuff will increase your brain cells, which will offset the negative effects of all the ALCOHOL you’ve been consuming. I don’t need to do this because I don’t drink anymore. I don’t drink anymore because when I drink I get really violent. I am not a violent person. The DEVIL made alcohol to corrupt our souls. So, if you’re drinking, you should stop because it will make you do violence and it kills brain cells. There are so many things I don’t remember now because of all my drinking. I never want to be in jail again. I am tired of that LIFE. That’s why I started this food blog to START A NEW LIFE. Even though I don’t drink ALCOHOL anymore I definitely do drink DIET COKE but what I really love is to eat wholesome solids. I decided to pick a FISH for my first recipe because FISH means JESUS and JESUS is who you should thank for this recipe.

I HAVE ALSO INCLUDED a recipe for mashed potatoes. I don’t think anyone would need a recipe to make MASHED POTATOES because it’s the easiest thing in the world but you probably wouldn’t be reading this if you knew anything about food.

No offense!!!

For this recipe you will get a whole tilapia and it will be GUTTED for you unless you want to do it yourself which I doubt!

ULTIMATE TILAPIA

Ingredients:

TILAPIA (whatever that is)
5-6 cloves of garlic minimum (I use a fistful)
1 lemon
2 tbs olive oil
4 tbs butter
Some basil leaves
Lots of SALT

Using one of those silicone food brush things, brush the fish with olive oil inside and out. Put SALT all over it, inside and out. Chop up a ton of garlic. Slice half a lemon into thin slices. Cut the butter into pads. Grab some basil leaves. Throw it all INSIDE the fish.

Put it in a 400 degree oven for 15-18 minutes or something. Check it frequently. It’s done when it looks done and a fork easily flakes the tender flesh.

DO NOT SKIMP ON SALT OR GARLIC OR BUTTER or anything delicious. If you do, your fish will taste boring and I don’t want to hear about it in the comments that your fish was bland because you did not FOLLOW DIRECTIONS.

FANCY PANTS MASHED POTATOES

Ingredients:

5-6 red potatoes, quartered
1 STICK OF BUTTER (probably more)
5-6 cloves of garlic (I use a fistful)
Some fresh sage
⅓ cup heavy cream
Lots of SALT

Boil the red potatoes unpeeled in heavily salted water. Melt a stick of butter in a sauce pan and cook your minced garlic until it is soft. Add chopped sage and cook for 1 more minute. When the potatoes are very soft, remove them from the water and mash them up with a potato masher. Then pour in the butter/garlic/sage and mash more. Add cream and mash. Add more butter, salt, cream, mash, etc. until it tastes good.

DO NOT use margarine or low fat milk and tell me these potatoes are not good! I HAVE MADE THESE POTATOES HUNDREDS OF TIMES TO RAVE REVIEWS.