EATING OUT IN MY HOME: Indian Grillers
Hello Home Eaters!
Today I am excited to bring you the very first in what I hope will be a long series of interesting new content creations. I mentioned it in our comeback post a few weeks ago, you’ve been waiting patiently, and now it’s finally here: EATING OUT IN MY HOME! Rather than posting a recipe, as we’ve done in the past, these will be reviews of recent takeout spots the writer has had an eating-related experience with. Enjoy!
Last Friday evening, trying to recover from yet another fall off the wagon, Taffy told me to bring her food. “I don’t feel good.”
“What do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know. I’m not gonna cook you dinner so either go get something or make me something.”
“I’ll get you anything you want.”
“I don’t care. Just get it for me.”
I’m always eager to please my sweetie, but without any hints about preference I knew this could be a recipe for disaster. What if she hates what I choose and throws it in the trash can? That would be a waste of food and a waste of my time. But I also feared she would get more annoyed if I asked her what she wanted again. What a pickle!
“Well, what kind of food are you in the mood for?” I tried to ask as casually as possible.
“Whatever man. Get me Indian food or something.”
“Indian food? Isn’t that a little spicy?”
“Fine. Get whatever you want then.”
“No no, Indian food is great. I’ll get Indian food.”
I called in an order for Lamb Korma, Mango Chicken, and some Garlic Naan to a restaurant called Indian Grillers. First off I want to say that the service was wonderful. I could barely understand the guy over the phone, so I had to ask him to repeat himself six or seven times to make sure he got our order right. But that’s the beauty of this country, we just let anybody in even if they can’t speak English and they get to start a successful business and make a living.
When I went to pick up the food it wasn’t ready yet, which is no problem at all. I always get there fifteen minutes early in case they overestimated the cooking time. I like my food to be piping hot when I bring it home. If the bag burns my hand carrying it I know I’m in for a great meal.
While I was waiting I thanked him a bunch of times for taking the time to create this restaurant and share his beautiful culture and cuisine with fine citizens of the United States like me. It takes a lot of guts to bring something new and strange to people and expect them to like it.
Well, after I spent a while standing around waiting everything was ready and I took the food home. After all that chit-chat I was getting hungry. But let me tell you once I dished this stuff up I didn’t know what to think.
It was all so wet.
Both the lamb and the chicken were drenched in strange-colored soup that pooled over my entire plate, soaking my rice and my big bread piece. I tried to spoon it away to the side, but it kept sliding back. The goopy lamb liquid even mixed with the chicken liquid so that I couldn’t tell them apart. Without even tasting it I was already disgusted.
I took my first bite, starting with the chicken. The lamb was Taffy’s idea. She eats lamb at least once a week for religious reasons. I don’t like it, though. It reminds me of a scary movie my dad made me watch when I was a kid.
The chicken burned my lips and tongue and throat. It was just about the spiciest bite of my life. I thought I could kill the spice if I chewed on some bread. Oh boy was I wrong. The bread was spicy too! Within two bites I could feel the garlic burning my tastebuds off. Luckily I had some milk to swish around.
After that bite it was time to regroup. I brushed my teeth and rinsed with my alcohol-free mouthwash to get the burning garlic out. I knew I had to write this review, so I decided to take a bite of the lamb as soon as possible, hoping the residual cooling mint taste would offset any potential spices. No luck. More burning, more milk, more brushing and washing.
I finally decided to taste the rice. It was pretty good, as long as I avoided the parts that were spoiled by sauce. White, soft, maybe a little on the salty side, but definitely edible. Unfortunately half a box of rice isn’t much of a dinner for the $50 we spent on it. I ate a box of Necco Wafers for dessert so I could go to bed full.
Taffy liked the food, though, so at least I could go straight to sleep without being yelled at.
Thank you for reading and chime in with your stories of Takeout Terror below in the comments.
