Nov 27

Nov 27 Simple Chunky Spaghetti

“Welcome to my Pasta Party!” I tell everyone standing around me in the Apple Store. They look at me, as I knew they would, and I unzip my noodle-stuffed backpack and dump the contents on the Genius Bar. Freshly boiled spaghetti, salted to perfection, tumbles in a pile big enough for everyone.

“These noodles are delicious on their own, but don’t dig in yet! There’s more! Sauce!” I’ve been seasoning the sauce inside my stomach for seven days now, letting it marinade, gain the necessary acidity that distinguishes a true chef from Chef Boyardee. I give my tonsils a good finger-squeeze and decorate the noodles with beautiful redness, chunked full of onion, garlic, and spicy spicy sausage.

“Forks!” I pull two dozen from my cargo pant pockets and push them into each outstretched, eager palm. I grip the tines out of courtesy. I do not want to stab my flock of partiers.

They hesitate, looking at one another. No one wants to be rude. Worried, no doubt, that the first to dig-in would seem ungracious. While they wait, the noodles begin to slide towards the edges of the bar. I do a quick lap around the table, shoving each end with my hands to keep the mountain of food intact.

“I’m so sorry! Plates! No wonder you’re not eating. We’re not animals grazing from a communal trough.” I pull paper plates from the backseat of my pants, where I have been warming them. I pass the pile to the beautiful young man standing next to me with the classic instruction, “Take one and pass it down.” He complies.

“Eat my peasants! Eat! For I am the Savior of Semolina! The Oracle of Oregano! The Prophet of Penne! The Gnostic of Gnocci! I give unto you not mere fishes and loaves, as any commoner might, but the blessed magisterial life that only finely rolled wheat can bring.”

By now I am, of course, standing on the table and shouting. This is my favorite part of every Pasta Party, when I look into the faces of my newfound converts, grab noodles by the handful and plop them on every outstretched plate. This is the moment I savor, just before they taste my divinity.

Simple Chunky Spaghetti:

Ingredients:

1 lb spicy italian sausage (or ground beef)
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ cup dry red wine
1 onion
2 bell peppers
2-4 jalapenos
12-ish medium-sized crimini mushrooms
32 oz jar of your favorite pasta sauce
1 small can of tomato paste
½ teaspoon garlic powder (or you can use fresh garlic if you prefer)
½ teaspoon Italian seasoning
½ teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
salt and pepper to taste
1 lb spaghetti

Heat a stainless steel pan to medium-high and add the olive oil and sausage. Depending on fat content you might not need the olive oil. I mostly use it to prevent excess sticking. Brown the sausage in the pan then remove and set aside for later.

Pour the red wine in the pan and deglaze the bits of stuck sausage.

Add the onion, bell pepper, and jalapeno and cook until soft.

Add the mushrooms and cook to your desired doneness.

Add the pasta sauce and tomato paste. Stir until thickened. This recipe can also be done with crushed canned tomatoes rather than pasta sauce, but using a jar of pasta sauce is a little bit simpler (and, in my opinion, a little bit tastier).

Add back the sausage and spices. Stir it all up.